Picture this – you walk in to work on your very first day at a new job at a new company, in a new city. You don’t know anyone. You don’t look like anyone. You’re not sure how people will respond to you because of your differentness.

Add to that recent headline grabbing news stories that make people who look like you seem like the bad guys who hate peace and hate freedom and hate all things good. Can you picture it?? I can… because THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME!!!! *Cue dramatic music and close up on my face with single tear drop falling super slowly down my cheek*. 

It’s not easy being different… at school, in the office, in your neighborhood. We all know this. But what you may not know (ok you probably know this too)… you’re not alone in your onlyness! There’s usually (sometimes) someone else who’s struggling with their onlyness too. And sometimes you’re even struggling in the same place! For instance… 

Yeah, I’ve been the only Muslim hijab-wearing woman in the room in most of the meetings and teams I’ve been a part of in my career. But you know what, my co-worker Tim (not his real name) has been the only gay man in most of the meetings and teams he’s been a part of. And my other co-worker Tina (not her real name) has been the only black woman… And my other co-worker Tony (not his real name) has been the only Mexican… And my white male coworker Taylor (not his real name) has been the only Veteran with PTSD… 

What if all of us only’s came together. Became friends. Shared our stories. Laughed and cried together. Advocated for each other. Championed each others causes. Lifted each other up. Wouldn’t that be nice?

SURPRISE! It did happen, and it has been pretty nice. 🙂

Moral of the story – There are a LOT of ways to be an only. And when we realize we’re not alone in our onlyness, and instead of hiding away we come together to support one another, value our differences and lift each other up… that’s when being an only doesn’t feel so lonely. 

And the more we talk to one another, learn and share about what makes us different, the more we see beyond labels, the more we break down stereotypes and misconceptions people hold about people who look like us, the more we realize how alike we truly are on the inside even if on the outside we couldn’t look more different. 

I’ll leave you with a story that may or may not have anything to do with anything else I just wrote… 

I was catching up with an old coworker friend who’s from Iowa. He was telling me about a time he visited family back home and his dad made some negative comments about Muslims. My coworker friend jumped in saying… “Hey now! I know a Muslim and she’s pretty amazing so chill out and stop saying those things dad!” (that may not be exactly what he said, but you get my point). His dad had never met a Muslim, never interacted with anyone who was Muslim so all he knew was based on what he saw on TV, which didn’t always portray my brothers and sisters in faith in the best light. But my coworker friend was able to stand up and speak up for me in a space where I never would have been able to reach. Why? Because we got to know one another at work, and became friends. Now he doesn’t see “Muslim” as some scary foreign threat, but pictures his friend Farah. Who is nice and plans office parties sometimes and tells really lame jokes. 

Second moral of the story – when that new employee starts at your company, who’s shy and different from everyone else on the team… remember to be nice and supportive and maybe, just maybe, become their friend so they don’t feel so lonely. Because 1) when that coworker feels valued and feels like they belong, they’ll shine. And 2) you may just open your eyes to a whole new perspective or worldview that you knew nothing about and be better off for it. 

The end.